dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
