I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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