I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
