chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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