Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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