The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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