I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
