lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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