Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize