her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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