butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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