how can u be prego again
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
