I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
