You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
