barbara walters just said penis...
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
