I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
