Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
