i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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