I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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