Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
