U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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