the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
