its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
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