Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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