My boss' voice literally gives me gas
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
