I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Randomize
