He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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