She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
