I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
