There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
