I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
i've created a new STD.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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