grandma shit on top of the toilet
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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