I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
