no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
