An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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