i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
