The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
