my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Randomize
