do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
