What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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