we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
