Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
