matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
