It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
