I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
