DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
