nut hugger
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
