M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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