Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize