we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
