I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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