Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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