Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
