The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
