Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
