We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
