Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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