Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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