my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I don't deserve a penis
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Randomize
