the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
