it was like fucking gandolphs beard
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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