A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
