Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
We're too hungover to prance.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
