I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize
