I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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