I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Soap is not a condiment
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
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