i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
