he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
